That time again already?
I couldn't sleep well last night, I tossed and turned. A three letter question krept into my dreams and woke me. A few times today, out of nowhere, tears filled my eyes and an instant lump swelled in my throat because that same three letter word snuck up on me causing me to cry silent tears. Crying because I know I'll never have an answer. Crying because there is no answer. A few days before chemo my mind goes into overload and I mentally start counting down the days. I start to feel sad and depressed the closer I get thinking of what could of been, what is now and what could be in the future. My heart body and soul know I have chemo tomorrow. That three letter word haunts my dreams and taunts me when I'm awake. Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, looking into my sad hurt eyes, looking at my bald head, looking up towards the heavens, tears streaming down my cheeks, silently screaming that single question. My brain understands that there will never be an answer, ev