Breast Cancer Stage 4 My Journey

Well, it's not the news I wanted to hear. My cancer is no longer "stable" It has progressed in my lung and lymphnodes. My run with perjeta, herceptin and taxotere has come to an end. My oncologist is trying to get Tykerb and Xeloda approved by my insurance. Once approved I will no longer take my original medication through my mediport every 3 weeks but rather my new medication In pill form two weeks on and one week off. I'm worried how my body will react to stopping the medication I've been on for just over a year and starting something completely new. Will it be a shock to my body? I'm worried of the side effects of the new medications. Especially the sores in my mouth and the hand and foot syndrome which causes my palms and bottom of my feet to dry up and crack and bleed making it difficult to walk. Of course the usual side effects of diarrhea, vomiting and fatigue are attached to these drugs. I'll face any and all issues as I'm faced with them. I g...

I couldn't sleep well last night, I tossed and turned. A three letter question krept into my dreams and woke me. A few times today, out of nowhere, tears filled my eyes and an instant lump swelled in my throat because that same three letter word snuck up on me causing me to cry silent tears. Crying because I know I'll never have an answer. Crying because there is no answer. A few days before chemo my mind goes into overload and I mentally start counting down the days. I start to feel sad and depressed the closer I get thinking of what could of been, what is now and what could be in the future. My heart body and soul know I have chemo tomorrow. That three letter word haunts my dreams and taunts me when I'm awake. Looking at myself in the bathroom mirror, looking into my sad hurt eyes, looking at my bald head, looking up towards the heavens, tears streaming down my cheeks, silently screaming that single question. My brain understands that there will never be an answer, ev...

The week following chemo I'm such a blubbering mess. The sickness that engulfs my body is a constant reminder that I'm sick. That I've got a chronic disease to deal with for the rest of my life. That it's cancer I live with and It's  terminal. During this week that follows chemo, my emotions are all over the place. Sad, depressed, mad and if I'm being honest a bit jealous. Sad and depressed that I have to put my body through this just to stay alive. My quality of life in between sessions isn't all that. Yes I'm alive. Yes I'm living. Yes I'm working, getting out, spending time with my son, family, friends. Facetiming with my boyfriend, but doing all that at very low energy. Any time you see me doing anything it's because I'm forcing myself to use energy that I have little of. I'm so very mad because with this illness my body would much rather be sitting in a recliner resting, laying in bed sleeping, going through social media, watc...

Today was a waste. I woke up with a spirt of energy and I was happy. I actually said out loud, "It's gonna be a good day" the sun had just risen and the air was crisp. I went to run an errand and unfortunately it depleted all my energy for the rest of the day.  Walking from my car at the curb to the front door was a chore. I almost ran out of steam halfway up the driveway but I said to myself I better not stop, keep walking and that I could rest once I got inside. The door was locked, ugh, I had to knock as my knees buckled a bit. I leaned on the door until someone unlocked it. Once inside I made it to the kitchen table and sat down happy to take the weight and pressure off of my weak legs. I feel as if I have no muscle tone on my body whatsoever. I tried to eat a taco but I could only stomach one bite. I then tried a biscuit but my stomach wasn't having it either and I realized I had no taste. Man that really sucks.  I spoke a few words with daddy and I felt...

I'm her2+ and on herceptin, perjeta and taxotere. I've been getting chemotherapy infusions every 3weeks since the end of May. So that makes over 9 months. My cancer has shrunk since December but my oncologist wants me to continue with chemo. I'm so tired of being sick every three weeks for an entire week. Yes, I feel some symptoms are lighter than what they were in the beginning but I still have them. I'm still miserable, fatigued, body ach, bone ache, stomach ache, fever flashes, dizzy, unbalanced, nauseous, muscles twisting, cramping etc etc. Don't get me wrong. I'm so ever grateful for each day I'm alive but sometimes I'm just so tired. That's all. Rants over.

My last CT showed NED (no evidence of disease). I had mets to lymphnodes, chest, neck, liver, right lung and bones (spine). My oncologist still wants me to continue perjeta, herceptin, taxotere, zometa and steroids. I guess to keep up the momentum? I'm sooooo tired of being sick for an entire week. Actually this last time is over a week. It's so depressing. I get my infusion every 3 weeks. I'm just tired and frustrated. I know I need to look at the silver lining...NED. Chemotherapy Treatment Fund  Click here for 1st option :) Click here for 2nd option :)