Breast Cancer Stage 4 My Journey

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Pink is my favorite color, but it goes beyond pink for me. I'm stage 4 because the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes, chest, neck, liver, lung and bones with NO cure. When people think of Breast Cancer Awareness month they also think of Susan B Kolmen. People feel it in their heart to give/donate. Even though I'm happy that they raise so much money for "Early Detection" and "Spreading Awareness" only about 7% goes towards research in finding a cure. (Not sure if that's from all donations or just grants which is even less) I was heartbroken to learn this. Isn't "for the cure" their slogan? Now, obviously I can't tell them how to allocate their donations/grants but 7% doesn't seem right. Shouldn't it be more? At the least 30%. I just get so fired up because I'll always be on chemo I'll never be cancer free and I'll never be in remission because there still isn't a cure....

Today was a rough day. My back pain was at an all time high today and I decided to still go to work. Yes, my surgery was a year ago and yes, I'm at a desk job now but I've also been on chemo this whole time. That in itself halts my body from healing every three weeks for an entire week. There has also been a temporary change to my pain medication. Two more days and I'm back on my normal medication. Any person who would have had the same surgery would be so much further along in their recovery. In case some of you are new to my blog let me fill you in and catch you up. I was in a car accident November 2015 and began to have upper back and neck pain about a week after. I went to see a doctor in December who said I had whip lash. He said I would heal and the pain would gradually go away. It actually got worse and he made me feel like I was being a baby because he saw nothing on the xray which included vertebrae C1 - C5. The typical area where whip lash would show any damage....

I've been on Morphine for just over a year. You can't stop taking it cold turkey. It's not good for your body and I found out the hard way. I called in a refill last Thursday and my prescription wasn't filled. They are pretty good at refilling the same day or at the latest the following day so I wasn't worried that I only had a day left of morphine because I thought for sure I'd get my refill before the weekend. Yeah, I was wrong. My doctor left work for the weekend on Friday without calling it in to my pharmacy. Her nurse suggested I take vicoden for pain over the next couple days which I did.  By Sunday my body started to react. I was going into a dark depression with thoughts of dying and suicide (this hurts my heart like you wouldn't believe to admit this). I couldn't get myself out of bed. I was crying because I wanted to give up. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.  I didn't have the will or desire to do anything but lay in bed....

Today was a waste. I woke up with a spirt of energy and I was happy. I actually said out loud, "It's gonna be a good day" the sun had just risen and the air was crisp. I went to run an errand and unfortunately it depleted all my energy for the rest of the day.  Walking from my car at the curb to the front door was a chore. I almost ran out of steam halfway up the driveway but I said to myself I better not stop, keep walking and that I could rest once I got inside. The door was locked, ugh, I had to knock as my knees buckled a bit. I leaned on the door until someone unlocked it. Once inside I made it to the kitchen table and sat down happy to take the weight and pressure off of my weak legs. I feel as if I have no muscle tone on my body whatsoever. I tried to eat a taco but I could only stomach one bite. I then tried a biscuit but my stomach wasn't having it either and I realized I had no taste. Man that really sucks.  I spoke a few words with daddy and I felt...

Well, I've just completed round 14 of my chemotherapy regime. Labs look great and my cancer marker is at 8.8 which is awesome! After explaining that my symptoms are still pretty rough and last a whole week with 3 days being the worst she frowned and seemed genuinely concerned that my body hasn't gotten used to it more. I don't think I voiced this to her much because I figured it was normal. This is all new to me so how was I to know. We'll, she said since my cancer has shrunk and my markers are way down and my labs always look great she is considering dropping the taxotere. This is the one that's causing the majority of my symptoms! Once dropped my symptoms should be much more bareable and even lighten drastically! At least this is typical in most cases. I can't wait! Oh happy day! Maybe one or two more cycles and then she'll drop the taxotere. That's the plan anyways. Eeek! I'm so excited and it makes this and the next couple chemos bitter sweet. I...

       Well, i'm off this week from work. They are giving me the week after chemo off due to my typical symptoms. My employer is great about it, God is Great.        Well, I had lite stomach aches Friday and Saturday night throughout my sleep but my days have been ok. I was fully expecting to wake up sick today because I was having head fevers throughout Saturday and Sunday night but, no. I woke up ok, just a bit hungry. My stomach is a bit bipolar this morning. It's going from stomach ache to hungry in a matter of seconds for the past 2 hours. Since I still have some energy in me I'm thinking of getting up and getting some food in my tummy!        I had chemo on Friday. I'm usually good for two days, that being Saturday and Sunday (thanks to steroids) and USUALLY my symptoms kick in on Monday (today). But I'm doing pretty good considering. My head fevers have subsided and my energy is average a...

Well, chemo#14 went as planned. The only difference is that I went alone. I've been spoiled for too long. I usually have my sister or my mom with me. Not by my choice entirely. I don't mind either way cause I hate putting people out but it helps keep things in order as far as information given to me whether it be results or future tests that I need to get cause I can be forgetful. They like supporting me and in their eyes I'm not putting them out. So I got everything except my zometa which is my bone strengthener. I get that every 6 weeks. I got my usual cocktail of Perjeta, herceptin and taxotere. I got benadryl and a steroid as well. My markers are at 10 I believe. I'm not having a CT in March which I'm surprised cause I get a CT every 3 months. She seems to think everything looks good. The last CT didn't detect any cancer which means it has shrunk to under 1cm everywhere and my markers are low. My labs are very good according to her. There is no indication...