Breast Cancer Stage 4 My Journey

Well, I did not expect bad news. It's taken me a couple days to....accept the results of my CT scan. I try not to think of it cause I can't stop the tears of frustration. When your oncologist who is sitting on a stool with wheels rolls up close to you and puts their hand over your hand to give results you know it's not good news. There are no significant changes in the size of my cancer spots/cells, however there is some new growth, spots in the upper lobe to my right lung. She says they're small spots, they're smaller than the size of a grain of rice. Well, last time I checked a grain of rice was pretty big to me when you think of it as cancerous. I'd  rather they be microscopic. Well, as you can imagine I began to sob. I let out a heavy breath of frustration. My treatment is going in the opposite direction. It's supposed to be shrinking my cancer not letting it spread to other organs! The thing with Stage 4 cancer is that it's "life long" t...

Sat down to have dinner with my parents. I was saying that I try to keep myself busy with little things as a distraction or escape. Just to fill my days since I  still can't work at the moment. Then I thought of the cancer and my eyes welled up with tears and I began to quietly cry. I so desperately miss my life. The life I had before finding out I have cancer. Mom looked up at me and said "No meja, don't cry." I said, "I know mom...I just get sad because my life has changed and it will never be the same." She said, "you don't know that, it can be." Then I looked at daddy and he said,  "Maybe it will be better" I took a deep. I never thought of that option. Maybe it WILL be better. Breast cancer treatment fund. You are invited to donate to an awesome cause. You'll be a part of the big picture by improving my quality of life. Thank you ever so kindly.

My sleep was interrupted by my alarm. Still asleep I reach over and slapped my phone to snooze. I thought to myself, I still have plenty of time. Ten minutes later, I'm interrupted again by the alarm. Still with a foggy head I reach over and snooze. I told myself I can sleep for another ten minutes, I just won't have time to style my hair. My bed and pillow felt sooooo comfy, it was still dark and it was the perfect temperature that it was worth another ten. I layed and smiled and thought I'll have to sacrifice going about my day with a messy bun because now I really won't have time to straighten or curl. Which was fine cause my messy buns looked to me more like a sassy bun :) I lean over to snuggle my pillow and I'm awoken by a stiffness in my neck. Then I realize that this isn't my work alarm waking me it's my medication alarm. My smile disappears from my face. I won't have to bother with deciding whether or not to straighten or curl my hair cause I h...

So as you all know I cut my waist long locks above my shoulders over a month ago or so. To get used to not having all this hair because chemo would cause me to lose my hair. Then last week my hair started falling out so I got a pixie cut. Then this weekend it began to come out in clumps. It was on my shoulders and back, all over my pillow and shower drain etc. Sissy said I had some bald spots in the back of my head. I broke down and cried. She reminded me that this was to be expected, just something that I have to go through. I wiped up my tears and took a couple deep breaths. I said I need to have it shaved. She said she would take me on Monday (today) or Tuesday. So yeah, I'm losing my hair, I'm going bald.  Yes I'm sad but I'll get over it and I'll get though it, this is just a small bump in the road of my journey. #TeamSweetJean Cancer Treatment Fund