Breast Cancer Stage 4 My Journey

Well, I did not expect bad news. It's taken me a couple days to....accept the results of my CT scan. I try not to think of it cause I can't stop the tears of frustration. When your oncologist who is sitting on a stool with wheels rolls up close to you and puts their hand over your hand to give results you know it's not good news. There are no significant changes in the size of my cancer spots/cells, however there is some new growth, spots in the upper lobe to my right lung. She says they're small spots, they're smaller than the size of a grain of rice. Well, last time I checked a grain of rice was pretty big to me when you think of it as cancerous. I'd  rather they be microscopic. Well, as you can imagine I began to sob. I let out a heavy breath of frustration. My treatment is going in the opposite direction. It's supposed to be shrinking my cancer not letting it spread to other organs! The thing with Stage 4 cancer is that it's "life long" t

Well, chemo was on Friday and it started to kick in Sunday night a bit. I felt tired and lethargic. I didn't eat all day Sunday and took it easy at mom's house. Monday again I felt tired with a bit of a tummy ache. I had a sandwich with chips and some water. Took it easy at mom's till the evening when sister came to get me. Me her and my son hung out. I spoke to my son about how I was feeling. He removed his glasses and wiped his teary eyes. It kills me to see him cry and I hate him seeing me at my worst. I hate that he hurts seeing me sick. I know it's not right but I think I avoid him a bit during the week after chemo. I stay at my mom's and call and text him from there. When I'm feeling better is when I don't mind him seeing me. When I feel more like myself. I don't know if I'm wrong for doing that but I just don't want him to feel more bad. Kind of like that saying "out of sight, out of mind." If he doesn't see me hurting then