A mother's love | Chemo #7

Well, chemo was on Friday and it started to kick in Sunday night a bit. I felt tired and lethargic. I didn't eat all day Sunday and took it easy at mom's house. Monday again I felt tired with a bit of a tummy ache. I had a sandwich with chips and some water. Took it easy at mom's till the evening when sister came to get me. Me her and my son hung out. I spoke to my son about how I was feeling. He removed his glasses and wiped his teary eyes. It kills me to see him cry and I hate him seeing me at my worst. I hate that he hurts seeing me sick. I know it's not right but I think I avoid him a bit during the week after chemo. I stay at my mom's and call and text him from there. When I'm feeling better is when I don't mind him seeing me. When I feel more like myself. I don't know if I'm wrong for doing that but I just don't want him to feel more bad. Kind of like that saying "out of sight, out of mind." If he doesn't see me hurting then he won't feel helpless. If he sees me hurting, I'm hurting him cause he feels helpless. Does that make sense? I don't know what I'm saying. I love that kid to death and anyone who knows me knows that he can do no harm in my eyes.
I'm fatigued, tired, i'm hurting, i'm nauseous and my muscles twisting & knotted beneath my skin, cramping, sad & depressed. It is what it is. I'll feel better in a few days. Then I'll have a good week following that and then I'll go to chemo and do it all over again.


Comments

  1. Barbara TorresOctober 19, 2016 at 7:32 PM

    I understand how you feel about not wanting your son to see you when you're hurting. That's what mothers do..we try to shelter them .. we keep lots from them. Cancer becomes a family disease and that is the hardest part for a mother to handle. Hang tough girl ..continue to fight as hard as you can....lean on the support from others ... Lots of Pink guardian Angels we have watching over us.

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