Breast Cancer Stage 4 My Journey

I haven't had much of an appetite these last few days. Saturday, Sunday and now today. I didn't get to enjoy Christmas Eve or Christmas day yummy to goodness food that mom made. Booo! Y'all know how much I LOVE food. Especially my mom's!        Now I think my tummy wants food. Not sure, my tummy is always bipolar the week after chemo. I get hungry so I go to put something in my mouth then before it hits my lips I get nauseous. I put it away and sit down and then I get hunger pains. Aye aye aye! Guess all I can do is not eat and wait it out like I've done after every chemo session. My stomach keeps making gastric sounds and I actually have hunger pains but when I actually get food in front of me I feel sick to my stomach. This goes on, on and off all day.  To the point where I may not eat that day cause the nausea is that bad. I've gone almost 3 days without eating or drinking. I forced myself to eat soup cause I was feeling weak to the point where I thought my

I don't know why I'm so emotional, at times sad. I received great news on my CT results. I feel anyone would be jumping for joy. My cancer has shrunk to under a centimeter! I think I've been holding in my feelings, my hurt, my anger and it's all spilling over. I'd love to say that I'm leaving these emotions in 2016 but im afraid to say I'm probably going to carry them over.        It's hard to be happy when you are the kind of person who wonders about the "what if". What if I let myself be happy and I find out it has come back, it has grown, it has taken over my organs, taken over my body!        Why do I do this to myself? Being told you have cancer, being told it's spread to your lymphnodes, chest, neck, liver and spine then months later your lung. Being told it's stage four and there is no cure, being told you will never be in remission, being told you'll have cancer your entire life. On top of that, still recovering from maj

Well, I went for my Chemo appointment today.  Wednesday the 21st of December. I was supposed to get it this past Friday but I had a church retreat to attend. I was to do labwork, see my oncologist, get my CT results and get my chemotherapy. Everything was moving along smoothly. Mom was with me this time, sissy had to work. We sat in the exam room waiting for the doctor to go over my labwork which I had the feeling was fine cause my labwork is always fine AND my CT results which was a bit nerve racking cause in previous scans my results showed little to no shrinkage or improvement. The last one showed new growth in my upper right lobe in my right lung! Which was devastating as you can only imagine. Putting my body through the symptoms of chemo every 3 weeks only to be told that it's spread to another organ! This put me in a depression that I hid very well except to my boyfriend Aries. Which I know is not healthy to hide it but I didn't want to worry anyone.        So, back to