Feels like a Christmas Miracle

Well, I went for my Chemo appointment today.  Wednesday the 21st of December. I was supposed to get it this past Friday but I had a church retreat to attend. I was to do labwork, see my oncologist, get my CT results and get my chemotherapy. Everything was moving along smoothly. Mom was with me this time, sissy had to work. We sat in the exam room waiting for the doctor to go over my labwork which I had the feeling was fine cause my labwork is always fine AND my CT results which was a bit nerve racking cause in previous scans my results showed little to no shrinkage or improvement. The last one showed new growth in my upper right lobe in my right lung! Which was devastating as you can only imagine. Putting my body through the symptoms of chemo every 3 weeks only to be told that it's spread to another organ! This put me in a depression that I hid very well except to my boyfriend Aries. Which I know is not healthy to hide it but I didn't want to worry anyone.
       So, back to my appointment and my new results this time around. Basically, she told me that the CT scan showed no signs of cancer. I asked her, No "new" signs of cancer? She said no...no signs of cancer at all. Not in the breast, not in the lymphnodes, neck, chest, liver, spine nor lungs. Now, mind you, the limitation of a CT scan is approximately 1 centimeter. A cancer smaller than that cannot be easily detected. So, she said, I very well still have cancer cells, and she pretty much guarantees that I do. It's just smaller than 1 centimeter. She said this is good news...this is VERY good news! With a smile on her face.
       I was still processing this information, I was having trouble wrapping my head around her words. I didn't believe her for some reason. I couldn't allow myself to be happy so I didn't smile, I showed no emotion. If anything, I had a confused look on my face. I don't associate this place with happy feelings. If anything I cry the night before, I cry the morning of and I swallow my tears on the way here. Anyways, I looked down at the results layed down on the desk next to me and asked her,  "Those ARE mine right? Jeannette Ortiz? With MY date of birth?" She said yes, looked down at the paper to double check, smiled and said "yes, these are your results" I took a deep breath and finally smiled but still had my guard up. I asked her if she was going to change or lighten my chemo and she said no. She wants to keep the momentum up.
      One of my 3 chemo medications is pretty new to the market and made for the particularly aggressive kind of cancer I have. It "targets" and seeks it out. It's not given to everyone. You have to meet a set criteria. You have to be Her2 positive, pre-surgery, metastatic and a few other criteria. It hasn't been around long enough for her to tell me how it will react "in the long term." I had so many questions. Will it stay dormant for a long time? Come back slowly or more rapidly? Come back with a vengeance and blow up everywhere? Unfortunately, she had no answers for me so although I am happy and will take this as a Victory "for now" I don't want to let my guard all the way down. I can't help think that as fast as it went away is as fast as it could come back.
       For now I will try and enjoy this as much as possible during this Christmas and New Years season. I very much enjoyed the long, happy, tearful & jumping hug I got from my mother in the hallway on my way to chemo. She was exploding with joy! I enjoyed telling my dad, sister & brothers and I especially loved looking into my son's eyes and telling him this happy news. As you can imagine I was ecstatic telling him but still had to add caution so as not to mislead him. The faded spark of hope in both our eyes has been reignited! I literally saw the light grow in his eyes as I spoke of the wonderful news. 

       I did have chemo today so I expect to be sick by Friday which will last for at least a week. So, I will most likely not feel my best on Christmas but this great news will make it more bareable. I'm hopeing that my body should be getting used to the chemo by now and I wont feel it so harshly. Hopefully I will be past the hard part by New Years and maybe I'll enjoy a cocktail or two.
        Next CT scan will be scheduled in March. So for the next 3 months I will secretly be giddy about this news and pray for the best. I couldn't have gotten any better news during this Advent season. It feels like a Christmas Miracle! God is good!