Rough day
Today was a rough day. My back pain was at an all time high today and I decided to still go to work. Yes, my surgery was a year ago and yes, I'm at a desk job now but I've also been on chemo this whole time. That in itself halts my body from healing every three weeks for an entire week. There has also been a temporary change to my pain medication. Two more days and I'm back on my normal medication. Any person who would have had the same surgery would be so much further along in their recovery.
In case some of you are new to my blog let me fill you in and catch you up. I was in a car accident November 2015 and began to have upper back and neck pain about a week after. I went to see a doctor in December who said I had whip lash. He said I would heal and the pain would gradually go away. It actually got worse and he made me feel like I was being a baby because he saw nothing on the xray which included vertebrae C1 - C5. The typical area where whip lash would show any damage. I finally decided to see another doctor the following month January 2016, for a second opinion. I told him I was in a minor accident and that my pain began between my shoulder blades and radiated upward towards my neck so he said he would get a couple of xrays. I asked him if he could xray my mid back as that's where I was having a lot of pain. I went to get the xrays and I mentioned to the radiologist that I had requested to be xrayed mid back and he said that that wasn't ordered and he could only do what was ordered. Of course the second doctor saw nothing and gave me the third degree when I asked him for pain medication. His nurse made me feel as if I was lying about my pain, seeking drugs and made me actually cry. He eventually decided to send me for therapy where I did some light stretching and muscle stimulation with heat to my upper back with electrodes. I decided to see a chiropractor the following month in February because my pain was just getting worse by the day. I was crying between seeing patients at work. I was confiding in my coworkers and doctor at work that "my back is Killing me" with tears in my eyes. Crying on the way home. I tried BenGay, Tiger Balm, heating & medicated patches from the pharmacy and a heated vibrating back support to which nothing worked. If I wasn't at work I was asleep because that's when I had the least pain. I saw the chiropractor about twice a week where he would do his adjustments on me by cracking my neck to the right and left and then cracking my back to the right and left. I did this for a couple weeks. My blood pressure was through the roof as well because I was in so much pain. I went to see a primary care doctor later that same month about my blood pressure. He said it was so high that I was a walking time bomb on the verge of having a heart attack at any moment. Before starting me on blood pressure medication he needed to do an EKG and that's when he felt the lump in my breast for which he ordered a mammogram for March 3rd or 4th (I can't remember which). I went for the mammogram and the technician kept taking pictures and measuring blobs on the screen. She seemed concerned of what she was seeing in my left breast and in my armpit. I was getting concerned too that she spent some time seeing something in my armpit. She excused herself and came back with a doctor who took over and seemed concerned as well. I remember hearing Sweet Carolyn playing on the radio in the background and thinking for some reason I was going to remember that moment and time for the rest of my life. Something just didn't feel quite right. I was finally told I could get dressed but I needed to wait, they wouldn't let me leave. I didn't know it at the time but they were trying to get a hold of my pcp to let them know that they were pretty certain I had breast cancer and it involved my lymph nodes. The doctor called me into an office and told me he was 99% sure that I had breast cancer and that it was in my lymph nodes as well. He said he couldn't get a hold of my pcp but that he left a detailed message and they should be calling me soon with instructions on what I needed to do next. My heart was racing and I kept telling myself to hold it together. "Don't cry....Hold it together...Breathe slowly." I checked out as calmly as I could. I got in my car and started to drive to work. My heart felt like it was going to explode and I was on the verge of hyperventilating. I felt so alone....so very alone. I pulled over to the side of the road and let myself cry. My whole world came crashing down on me and it was spinning faster and faster out of control. The air was gone, I couldn't breath, I felt faint. Just then I got a call on my cell, the number calling was my pcp. I took a deep breath, I cleared my throat and whispered "Hello" the voice on the other end was my pcp's Medical Assistant explaining to me that I had cancer and I needed to schedule breast and lymph node biopsies asap as well as a MUGA Scan and a PET Scan. She would be in touch with the name of an Oncologist and surgeon for me as well but that I needed to schedule the appointments as soon as possible. I just kept replying with ok...ok...ok...ok. She finally stopped and said, "Mrs. Ortiz, do you understand what I'm saying, what I've explained and what I'm asking?" I replied with a delayed "...Yes,...I have breast cancer and it's spread to my lymphnodes and I need to schedule the biopsies and scans ASAP."
The following week mom took me to get my biopsies, 8 total. Later that week I met the surgeon and my oncologist who confirmed the biopsies were cancerous however, they couldn't be certain if I was stage 3 or 4 without the scan results. The following week my mom brought me to do my MUGA/PET scans and the following week I was scheduled to get my results. I was called at work from my oncologist office a few days later who said they received my results and I needed to go in first thing the following morning.
Mom in the lobby sissy by my side. My oncologist caressed my arm and said "It doesn't look good" the scans show that the cancer has spread to numerous lymph nodes, chest, neck, liver and bones with three areas on the spine, one of which she is very concerned about. It looks like a large cancerous mass has disintegrated three vertebrae, C7 T1 & T2 to be exact and It's penetrated my spinal column. My world again was shattered. My life would never be the same from that very day foward. I could hear her voice speaking to me far off in the distance. I remember feeling the biggest lump in my throat and tears filled my eyes. I looked over at a painting on the wall. It was large vibrant yellow roses and at that moment I thought of my grandma and how much I missed her. I turned my gaze back to my oncologist and she said she needed to have an MRI of my spine to have a better detailed look and it needed to be done that day so she was admitting me into the hospital. I had no time to think really but then again I thought to myself that I finally had the answer to my excruciating back pain. I wasn't being a baby after all, I wasn't crazy like the two doctors made me feel. Had they listened to me in the first place this would have been caught earlier! This makes me sad, depressed and angry as hell! Then I tell myself that these series of events that is my life happened just as it was supposed to. I can't help but still be angry at the doctors who didn't listen to me because I'm only human after all and I was in so much pain.
I ended up having emergency spinal surgery to avoid permanent paralysis. Dr Jude removed what was left of my vertebraes (C7 T1 T2). Those three vertebrae are gone. He also removed as much of the cancerous mass as he could as well. He then inserted two titanium rods and reinforced the three vertebrae above (C5 C4 C3) with 6 titanium screws and reinforced the three vertebrae below (T3 T4 T5) with another 6 titanium screws. All in all I have 2 rods and 12 screws and three missing vertebrae. So, yeah, when I say my back hurts I have a good reason. My MRI showed the cancerous mass was centimeters away from pinching my spinal cord. Had it been pinched I would have been paralyzed from the neck down. I would have needed a ventilator and been in a wheelchair like Christopher Reeves she said. I'm not being dramatic I'm only stating what was told to me and my family.
It's depressing that every day since my surgery I've experienced back pain. Some days worse than others but every day there is pain. I have not had one day without pain since. Some days it feels like I have an actual cinder/cement block on the back of my neck between my shoulders. Can you imagine that? Like Atlas in Greek mythology holding the earth on his shoulders. Ok, not quite like him but you get the idea. Other days It feels like my spine is going to snap if I don't sit back or lay down to ease the pressure. I have to remind myself that I have cancer in my bones. I don't have full range when I turn my head right or left. I can barely turn and see past my shoulders. I can't look up or lift my head but only a few inches too. Doctor said I may never gain full range but he said at least I'm alive. I'll take that.
In case some of you are new to my blog let me fill you in and catch you up. I was in a car accident November 2015 and began to have upper back and neck pain about a week after. I went to see a doctor in December who said I had whip lash. He said I would heal and the pain would gradually go away. It actually got worse and he made me feel like I was being a baby because he saw nothing on the xray which included vertebrae C1 - C5. The typical area where whip lash would show any damage. I finally decided to see another doctor the following month January 2016, for a second opinion. I told him I was in a minor accident and that my pain began between my shoulder blades and radiated upward towards my neck so he said he would get a couple of xrays. I asked him if he could xray my mid back as that's where I was having a lot of pain. I went to get the xrays and I mentioned to the radiologist that I had requested to be xrayed mid back and he said that that wasn't ordered and he could only do what was ordered. Of course the second doctor saw nothing and gave me the third degree when I asked him for pain medication. His nurse made me feel as if I was lying about my pain, seeking drugs and made me actually cry. He eventually decided to send me for therapy where I did some light stretching and muscle stimulation with heat to my upper back with electrodes. I decided to see a chiropractor the following month in February because my pain was just getting worse by the day. I was crying between seeing patients at work. I was confiding in my coworkers and doctor at work that "my back is Killing me" with tears in my eyes. Crying on the way home. I tried BenGay, Tiger Balm, heating & medicated patches from the pharmacy and a heated vibrating back support to which nothing worked. If I wasn't at work I was asleep because that's when I had the least pain. I saw the chiropractor about twice a week where he would do his adjustments on me by cracking my neck to the right and left and then cracking my back to the right and left. I did this for a couple weeks. My blood pressure was through the roof as well because I was in so much pain. I went to see a primary care doctor later that same month about my blood pressure. He said it was so high that I was a walking time bomb on the verge of having a heart attack at any moment. Before starting me on blood pressure medication he needed to do an EKG and that's when he felt the lump in my breast for which he ordered a mammogram for March 3rd or 4th (I can't remember which). I went for the mammogram and the technician kept taking pictures and measuring blobs on the screen. She seemed concerned of what she was seeing in my left breast and in my armpit. I was getting concerned too that she spent some time seeing something in my armpit. She excused herself and came back with a doctor who took over and seemed concerned as well. I remember hearing Sweet Carolyn playing on the radio in the background and thinking for some reason I was going to remember that moment and time for the rest of my life. Something just didn't feel quite right. I was finally told I could get dressed but I needed to wait, they wouldn't let me leave. I didn't know it at the time but they were trying to get a hold of my pcp to let them know that they were pretty certain I had breast cancer and it involved my lymph nodes. The doctor called me into an office and told me he was 99% sure that I had breast cancer and that it was in my lymph nodes as well. He said he couldn't get a hold of my pcp but that he left a detailed message and they should be calling me soon with instructions on what I needed to do next. My heart was racing and I kept telling myself to hold it together. "Don't cry....Hold it together...Breathe slowly." I checked out as calmly as I could. I got in my car and started to drive to work. My heart felt like it was going to explode and I was on the verge of hyperventilating. I felt so alone....so very alone. I pulled over to the side of the road and let myself cry. My whole world came crashing down on me and it was spinning faster and faster out of control. The air was gone, I couldn't breath, I felt faint. Just then I got a call on my cell, the number calling was my pcp. I took a deep breath, I cleared my throat and whispered "Hello" the voice on the other end was my pcp's Medical Assistant explaining to me that I had cancer and I needed to schedule breast and lymph node biopsies asap as well as a MUGA Scan and a PET Scan. She would be in touch with the name of an Oncologist and surgeon for me as well but that I needed to schedule the appointments as soon as possible. I just kept replying with ok...ok...ok...ok. She finally stopped and said, "Mrs. Ortiz, do you understand what I'm saying, what I've explained and what I'm asking?" I replied with a delayed "...Yes,...I have breast cancer and it's spread to my lymphnodes and I need to schedule the biopsies and scans ASAP."
The following week mom took me to get my biopsies, 8 total. Later that week I met the surgeon and my oncologist who confirmed the biopsies were cancerous however, they couldn't be certain if I was stage 3 or 4 without the scan results. The following week my mom brought me to do my MUGA/PET scans and the following week I was scheduled to get my results. I was called at work from my oncologist office a few days later who said they received my results and I needed to go in first thing the following morning.
Mom in the lobby sissy by my side. My oncologist caressed my arm and said "It doesn't look good" the scans show that the cancer has spread to numerous lymph nodes, chest, neck, liver and bones with three areas on the spine, one of which she is very concerned about. It looks like a large cancerous mass has disintegrated three vertebrae, C7 T1 & T2 to be exact and It's penetrated my spinal column. My world again was shattered. My life would never be the same from that very day foward. I could hear her voice speaking to me far off in the distance. I remember feeling the biggest lump in my throat and tears filled my eyes. I looked over at a painting on the wall. It was large vibrant yellow roses and at that moment I thought of my grandma and how much I missed her. I turned my gaze back to my oncologist and she said she needed to have an MRI of my spine to have a better detailed look and it needed to be done that day so she was admitting me into the hospital. I had no time to think really but then again I thought to myself that I finally had the answer to my excruciating back pain. I wasn't being a baby after all, I wasn't crazy like the two doctors made me feel. Had they listened to me in the first place this would have been caught earlier! This makes me sad, depressed and angry as hell! Then I tell myself that these series of events that is my life happened just as it was supposed to. I can't help but still be angry at the doctors who didn't listen to me because I'm only human after all and I was in so much pain.
I ended up having emergency spinal surgery to avoid permanent paralysis. Dr Jude removed what was left of my vertebraes (C7 T1 T2). Those three vertebrae are gone. He also removed as much of the cancerous mass as he could as well. He then inserted two titanium rods and reinforced the three vertebrae above (C5 C4 C3) with 6 titanium screws and reinforced the three vertebrae below (T3 T4 T5) with another 6 titanium screws. All in all I have 2 rods and 12 screws and three missing vertebrae. So, yeah, when I say my back hurts I have a good reason. My MRI showed the cancerous mass was centimeters away from pinching my spinal cord. Had it been pinched I would have been paralyzed from the neck down. I would have needed a ventilator and been in a wheelchair like Christopher Reeves she said. I'm not being dramatic I'm only stating what was told to me and my family.
It's depressing that every day since my surgery I've experienced back pain. Some days worse than others but every day there is pain. I have not had one day without pain since. Some days it feels like I have an actual cinder/cement block on the back of my neck between my shoulders. Can you imagine that? Like Atlas in Greek mythology holding the earth on his shoulders. Ok, not quite like him but you get the idea. Other days It feels like my spine is going to snap if I don't sit back or lay down to ease the pressure. I have to remind myself that I have cancer in my bones. I don't have full range when I turn my head right or left. I can barely turn and see past my shoulders. I can't look up or lift my head but only a few inches too. Doctor said I may never gain full range but he said at least I'm alive. I'll take that.
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