Breast Cancer Stage 4 My Journey

          Chemo was Friday, its Sunday night now. I "feel" my upper back muscles to the base of my skull Knotting up tightly and I'm stiffer than usual. I feel like something is penetrating my muscles and quite possibly my nerves. Maybe it's the chemo zapping away the cancer in my spine sending impulses through my muscles. At least that's what I keep telling myself. It's a scary feeling cause I don't know what's really happening back there. Just a feeling of electrical impulses that make me wince. I don't have that sensation in my breast, my lymphnodes, my neck, chest or my liver that I can tell. Those are the other areas they found cancer in me. I'm afraid to move. I'm trying to stay as still as possible right now but I really have to go to the ladies room. I'm sitting here while my leg bounces telling me to get up and go already.           Guess what? Literally, at this very moment, I just "felt" a similar sensation in my

          Spent the night with my sissy the past couple nights watching movies. Friday I woke up at 630am to leave by 730am for my 8am appointment to see my oncologist for a followup and then to chemotherapy after. This time I had to get dropped off and go solo. My sisters daughter had been in and out of the emergency room with bad morning sickness that lasted all day and night. She was dehydrated as well. Well, that morning she called crying thinking she might have to go back to the ER because nothing seemed to work. They gave her some medication and nausea medication but she was still not able to hold anything down, she was throwing up and had lost 10lbs in about two weeks! So, luckily she lives in the same apartment complex as us. Her boyfriend walked her over before we left. I told my sister that she could drop me off at my appointment and come back to watch over her daughter jenevieve. I would be at my appointment for at least 6 hours and there was really no need to stay with me

So as you all know I cut my waist long locks above my shoulders over a month ago or so. To get used to not having all this hair because chemo would cause me to lose my hair. Then last week my hair started falling out so I got a pixie cut. Then this weekend it began to come out in clumps. It was on my shoulders and back, all over my pillow and shower drain etc. Sissy said I had some bald spots in the back of my head. I broke down and cried. She reminded me that this was to be expected, just something that I have to go through. I wiped up my tears and took a couple deep breaths. I said I need to have it shaved. She said she would take me on Monday (today) or Tuesday. So yeah, I'm losing my hair, I'm going bald.  Yes I'm sad but I'll get over it and I'll get though it, this is just a small bump in the road of my journey. #TeamSweetJean Cancer Treatment Fund

          Last week I just concentrated on getting rest and finishing my medication that I was given from my hospital stay (antiviral & antifungal). I would say my throat is almost healed but I feel a little something in there. I'm not eating or drinking "normal" yet. I have to chew, swallow and drink smaller portions. If not my throat feels slightly irritated and swollen. I hope and pray that that feeling goes away by this Friday when I have my 2nd Chemotherapy treatment.           Last Friday and Saturday I spent the night with my sister. It felt strange to sleep on a bed. I've been sleeping on a recliner that doesn't recline anymore, or in a hospital bed reclined at a 45 degree angle (because of my back) since March. So, yeah it was strange. I just piled up the pillows layed back gently and tried to find a comfy spot. I still have a stiff feeling in my back and neck from my surgery and I'm still weaning off the neckbrace. I can only move my head up/do

My oncologist said by week 3 after my first chemo my hair would begin to fall out. I tried to prepare myself mentally. It's easy to say I don't care about the hair as long as the chemo is doing its job but I can't lie. I can't explain how I feel. I don't know how to put it into words. I'm not mad, I don't think I feel sad. It's just the realization. My hair in my hands. I should go cut it again really short. Like a pixie cut but I don't know if I should spend money on that seeing that it's just going to be gone in a couple weeks. I just don't want this hair all over the place. Ok maybe I am a bit sad.  #TeamSweetJean Fundraiser

Well, I spoke with Dr. Jude and he said I could start weaning off the neckbrace! Hallelujah! (or so I thought). I took off the neckbrace and sissy said, "look! no more double chin!" Lol That made me smile. She said she needed to borrow it to get rid of hers. I nervously touched my neck and it felt so weird. I know it might sound funny to you but I literally either have the hard plastic neckbrace on or the soft collar one on. Even in the shower I do a quick wash of my neck and the soft collar goes on and stays on till I switch back to the hard one.   I haven't been without a brace since my surgery on March 27th. So yeah, it felt weird to touch my neck. It was probably 15 minutes without it and I started getting the worst headache. Half my face, my head, neck and down to my shoulders. My head felt like a bowling ball and my neck was a noodle. I had to put the brace back on. I loosened the velcro just enough to give me some support. The next day I put on the soft collar and

I remember the drive home.  My body felt the same as before Chemo. Some upper back/neck tenderness from the surgery that I've become accustomed too. I knew if it wasn't for the pain medication I'd be in a lot of pain. My swallowing was also tender but I was able to get small amounts of soft food down.  My esophagus was still damaged from the radiation I just completed 3 days prior.           We got home and I plopped on my recliner. I can't remember if I'd had anything to eat although I'm sure mom had something made on the stove. I just wanted to relax. Friday my body felt fine, no side effects.  Saturday my brother Simon cleaned the pool and was getting ready for company. It was a holiday that Monday and he was expecting some family to hang around the pool and they began to show up shortly after.  I decided that I felt good enough to go outside and hang out with my cousins. My cousin Christine brought spaghetti and I was able to eat some with little trouble.

          Chemo was scheduled at 9am. I was to take a medication 12 hours prior and then 6 hours prior.  I took it at 9pm the night before and set my alarm for 3am. I woke up at 7am frantic that I slept through the 3am alarm. So many unanswered questions ran through my head.  I didn't know if I had ruined the whole concoction. Was chemo not going to work cause I didn't take the medication at 3am.  Should I take it now or is it too late? Do I need to reschedule the whole thing? I remember I was given a card two days earlier at my teaching appointment with a phone number that patients with cancer can call 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  This was for any questions, concerns or to get a hold of the doctor for emergencies. I called the number and I believe I spoke with Chelsea. She was like..... well, since this is a "medication" question the only thing I can do is leave a message and they will call you back once they open after 8am. I told her I didn't know what to d

          Me and mom got in the truck and headed back to the medical center. I was half with it but kinda running on adrenaline or more like stress. I didn't want to be late and the truck was on empty and it was raining here and there throughout the day and I didn't want to get stuck in traffic. Of course we had to stop for gas and that made us a few minutes late. I get to my appt office and there was a line of at least 5 deep and the two people checking in just so happen to be having issues with the patients they were checking in. It felt like everyone in line were shifting their weight and looking over the person in front of them to see what the hold up was at the front desk. People were getting antsy. Mom walks in from parking the truck and I tell her the lines not moving, i'm 10 minutes late now. I don't have any reception on my phone and I can't even call them to tell them I'm here. I then make the decision to just walk back to my doctors area and tell the