Breast Cancer Stage 4 My Journey

My sleep was interrupted by my alarm. Still asleep I reach over and slapped my phone to snooze. I thought to myself, I still have plenty of time. Ten minutes later, I'm interrupted again by the alarm. Still with a foggy head I reach over and snooze. I told myself I can sleep for another ten minutes, I just won't have time to style my hair. My bed and pillow felt sooooo comfy, it was still dark and it was the perfect temperature that it was worth another ten. I layed and smiled and thought I'll have to sacrifice going about my day with a messy bun because now I really won't have time to straighten or curl. Which was fine cause my messy buns looked to me more like a sassy bun :) I lean over to snuggle my pillow and I'm awoken by a stiffness in my neck. Then I realize that this isn't my work alarm waking me it's my medication alarm. My smile disappears from my face. I won't have to bother with deciding whether or not to straighten or curl my hair cause I h...

Friday, I was happy to see Marsha in my station at chemo today. This sassy but sincere and kind nurse assessed my mediport with little discomfort that lasted but a few seconds. Thank goodness cause if y'all ain't noticed yet, i'm a bit of a scaredy cat. My mom would call it "being a ninny" lol. They've all been nice and compassionate here. Me and sissy got to sit diagonal from each other which was nice. I only felt bad when I saw her leaning her head against the wall to try and get comfy. I offered her my pillow but she wouldn't take it. So, guess what?  Next time I'm bringing an extra little pillow, problem solved. :) We were there about 5 hours. I was done by about 1pm. We meet up with my niece/god-daughter at her appointment down the block. Then she treated me to lunch. Me and sissy headed back to the apartment and took a little nap.         Got up from our nap and headed to a meeting for my fundraiser. Of which my friends put together for me...

          Chemo was Friday, its Sunday night now. I "feel" my upper back muscles to the base of my skull Knotting up tightly and I'm stiffer than usual. I feel like something is penetrating my muscles and quite possibly my nerves. Maybe it's the chemo zapping away the cancer in my spine sending impulses through my muscles. At least that's what I keep telling myself. It's a scary feeling cause I don't know what's really happening back there. Just a feeling of electrical impulses that make me wince. I don't have that sensation in my breast, my lymphnodes, my neck, chest or my liver that I can tell. Those are the other areas they found cancer in me. I'm afraid to move. I'm trying to stay as still as possible right now but I really have to go to the ladies room. I'm sitting here while my leg bounces telling me to get up and go already.           Guess what? Literally, at this very moment, I just "fel...

          Spent the night with my sissy the past couple nights watching movies. Friday I woke up at 630am to leave by 730am for my 8am appointment to see my oncologist for a followup and then to chemotherapy after. This time I had to get dropped off and go solo. My sisters daughter had been in and out of the emergency room with bad morning sickness that lasted all day and night. She was dehydrated as well. Well, that morning she called crying thinking she might have to go back to the ER because nothing seemed to work. They gave her some medication and nausea medication but she was still not able to hold anything down, she was throwing up and had lost 10lbs in about two weeks! So, luckily she lives in the same apartment complex as us. Her boyfriend walked her over before we left. I told my sister that she could drop me off at my appointment and come back to watch over her daughter jenevieve. I would be at my appointment for at least 6 hours a...

So as you all know I cut my waist long locks above my shoulders over a month ago or so. To get used to not having all this hair because chemo would cause me to lose my hair. Then last week my hair started falling out so I got a pixie cut. Then this weekend it began to come out in clumps. It was on my shoulders and back, all over my pillow and shower drain etc. Sissy said I had some bald spots in the back of my head. I broke down and cried. She reminded me that this was to be expected, just something that I have to go through. I wiped up my tears and took a couple deep breaths. I said I need to have it shaved. She said she would take me on Monday (today) or Tuesday. So yeah, I'm losing my hair, I'm going bald.  Yes I'm sad but I'll get over it and I'll get though it, this is just a small bump in the road of my journey. #TeamSweetJean Cancer Treatment Fund

          Last week I just concentrated on getting rest and finishing my medication that I was given from my hospital stay (antiviral & antifungal). I would say my throat is almost healed but I feel a little something in there. I'm not eating or drinking "normal" yet. I have to chew, swallow and drink smaller portions. If not my throat feels slightly irritated and swollen. I hope and pray that that feeling goes away by this Friday when I have my 2nd Chemotherapy treatment.           Last Friday and Saturday I spent the night with my sister. It felt strange to sleep on a bed. I've been sleeping on a recliner that doesn't recline anymore, or in a hospital bed reclined at a 45 degree angle (because of my back) since March. So, yeah it was strange. I just piled up the pillows layed back gently and tried to find a comfy spot. I still have a stiff feeling in my back and neck from my surgery and I'm...

My oncologist said by week 3 after my first chemo my hair would begin to fall out. I tried to prepare myself mentally. It's easy to say I don't care about the hair as long as the chemo is doing its job but I can't lie. I can't explain how I feel. I don't know how to put it into words. I'm not mad, I don't think I feel sad. It's just the realization. My hair in my hands. I should go cut it again really short. Like a pixie cut but I don't know if I should spend money on that seeing that it's just going to be gone in a couple weeks. I just don't want this hair all over the place. Ok maybe I am a bit sad.  #TeamSweetJean Fundraiser