Devastating Results

Well the MRI results are in.  

          I have multiple areas of concern on my spine. Of those, one area posses a MAJOR threat. There are 3 consecutive vertebra's that have a cancerous mass protruding into my spinal column. Should it push/pinch the spinal cord it can cause paralysis. Chemo and radiation have been put on hold because of the threat of paralysis. This needs to be taken care of ASAP.  My Neurosurgeon Dr. Jordan Jude will put together a team and I will undergo Spinal Surgery early this coming week. 

          The object is to remove enough of the mass so that its not pushing into the spinal column. Then he will need to place pins and screws where the three vertebrae are because the cancer has begun to disintegrate the bone. He will stabilize the area so as to keep my spine from collapsing. Which its already begun to curve. 

          Once the surgery is complete then I can begin Chemotherapy to treat the Breast, Liver, Lymph nodes and other areas in my spine that also have cancer.

          The realization hasn't sunk in fully.  I have spoken to two oncologist, one radiologist, three surgeons and one cancer therapist all in a matter of 2 days.  All have given me tons of overwhelming information, details and options. Given me numbers, success rate, pros - cons, and most important, Risks. Mostly to do with the spinal surgery and some to do with the Cancer treatment of Chemo/Radiation. 

          Finding out about my spine and needing to have spinal surgery in a matter of days was/is devastating.  I was handed papers to fill out that were titled. Power of Attorney, Last Will & Testament, Advance Directives.  I've even put together my list of Paul Bearers.
.
          Telling my family was hard, Telling my son was agonizing.  I apologized to him for not giving him a better life with tears flowing from my eyes.  He said that I didn't need to apologize and I just have to play with the cards I was dealt. It's not sunk in the severity of the situation I'm in.  I think he feels that I just have to have surgery and I will be fine in a week or so and then I will get medicine for the cancer and in a few months I will be back to normal.  

     Its breaking my heart.