Radiation Therapy

          Tuesday April 26th I had an appointment with my Radiologist Dr. Lin.  He said I was good to start Radiation therapy and someone from scheduling would be calling me.  Wednesday, Thursday and Friday came and went and no one called.  To tell you the truth, I was a bit scared of getting that call.  I tried being as brave as I could through it all from the beginning.  It was pretty much a whirlwind and I didn't have much time to be scared really.  In the hospital I was being attended to it seems, every two hours.  "Hi Miss Ortiz,  we're here to check your vitals,  Hi Miss Ortiz, we're here to draw blood.... we're here to give you pain meds,  breakfast lunch and dinner" that along with visitors family & friends, (let's not forget being sedated a good portion of my stay) well you get the point.  Now that I'm healing at my parents home I've had a lot more time to think.  Sometimes I wish I was still in the hospital as crazy as that sounds.  Don't get me wrong, my mother and sister have gone above and beyond for me but now I'm scared. I don't know why really.  The unknown I guess. 

          Dr. Lin explained that I would be getting radiation on my spine from the back and the front.  He ordered 10 sessions for me not including the weekend.  The radiation I would get in the front would no doubt also get a part of my esophagus, vocal chords and a small part of my heart!!!!! That's the scary part.  I remember him saying that to me so nonchalant.  I just followed with "ok". He said towards the end I might have trouble swallowing and I might be a little hoarse but that should subside.  I asked him if I would need to get swallow or voice therapy and he said no, it won't get to that point.  I said, cause I have a friend who is a speech pathologist who would give me a discount or do it for free if I need it.  I let out a nervous short faded laugh. I must have still been in shock because I should of asked about my heart, what about effects to my heart! But I didn't. I was a good patient, shook his hand and said I would wait patiently for that call. Of course my sister text me Wednesday Thursday and Friday to see if they called.  She was like, "if they don't call by Monday noon you call them" which I did nervously, I got an answering machine asking me to leave a message, which I did and he called me back before the end of the work day. He asked me if I could come in on Thursday, I was like  "sure I can come in next Thursday, what's the date?" He said, "No, this Thursday this week, 1:20 p.m. ok with you?" I looked at my calender and I didn't have anything scheduled. I was free for the next couple of weeks actually.  I said that was fine and just to make sure the date would be May 5th and he agreed. 
           I could not sleep the night before. I couldn't get comfortable and I was hot. The alarm went off along with numerous text from my sissy.  "Are you up?, are you showered?, Are you getting ready?, should I call the house phone?" I finally responded and she came to get me.  I had an appointment with Dr. Couch that morning.  I think she thought I would have started radiation by then and I'm not quite sure what the appointment was for.  She just asked how I was feeling,  that I would be getting a port placed closer to chemo which would be a week or two after starting radiation, if I had any new developments etc. I have a feeling she's not telling me everything. That's just me preparing for the worst but my gut instinct is usually pretty spot on.  I told her that my first session was later that afternoon and she seemed pleased. She said she wanted to see me in a month and that was that. 
           My sister had a gift card from work for "outstanding work" or something like that and decided to treat me to lunch since we had an hour and a half to spare before chemo and of course I took her up on the offer since money is tight as you can imagine with all the medical bills piling up aside from my normal monthly bills.  Anyways, we went to eat at a little Italian place that my friend Bobby had mentioned to us the week prior.  I must say it's pretty darn good.  The waitstaff are friendly and I was pleasantly surprised to see that they served Peroni. It's the Italian beer I drank during my trips to London. Well, time was ticking and I couldn't stall for time any longer.  Time waits for no one. 

          Back at the clinic, we were guided to another waiting area for radiation patients. I was told to undress from the waist up, put on a paper gown and wait.  Someone would come and get me.  I asked my sissy if she was hot and she said not really.  There were two waiting rooms back to back and I said we should move to the other cause the one we were in was hot, so we did.  I said it was a bit better but not by much.  I told her that I thought my neck was getting a bit swollen cause my neckbrace felt like it was getting a bit tight.  I began to fidget with it and even loosened the velcro a bit.  I started to get hot again and I felt little beads of sweat forming on my forehead and upper lip (ewww, gross I know) I took a couple deep breaths and told myself to breath and calm down or I just might faint for lack of oxygen (that's the drama queen in me). In my peripheral vision I see my sissy thumbing through a magazine.  She was either ignoring me, not knowing what to say or she was oblivious to the fact that I was full on, on the verge of having a panic attack.  Either way at that moment a gentleman came to get me.  "Miss Ortiz,  we're ready for you." I stood up and smiled at my sissy and said,  "I'll be right back."  I followed him down the hall,  right left right then left (ocd in me). They asked me to remove my neckbrace which I knew was ok for this procedure according to Dr. Jude my surgeon.  It always feels strange, oddly dangerous and stiff without it on. The machine looked like an MRI machine. I was told were to sit so that when i layed back my head would fit into the area where your head belongs. Does that make sense? If I sit to far down when I lay down the area where my head needs to be will be too far up.  If I sit too far up the area where my head needs to be would dig into my shoulders.  There is a specific spot that needs to cradle your head.  Anyhow, once I layed down they positioned me by tugging on the blanket I was laying on.  My gown wide open with the girls just hanging out.  There were 2 technicians.  By this time in my life I'm not too modest when it comes to situations like this.  I'm usually a do what ya gotta do kinda girl. They did some markings on me with a maker.  I was asked to put my arms above my head and hold on to what felt like handle bars on a bike.  I wasn't as uncomfortable as I thought I was going to be.  Don't get me wrong there was some discomfort in my upper back and neck (where I had surgery) but it was bearable.  Also because I'd been told that this usually doesn't take very long.  I closed my eyes the entire time.  I could feel red lights and then a ticking white light. I could here the music playing behind me, probably 101.1 or 101.9 both easy listening kinda music.  I felt some movements of the machine and before too long a voice on a speaker/intercom saying I could bring my arms down.  Shortly after the gentleman said "we're all done, i'm going to help you get up,  grab a hold of my arm and I will pull you up to a sitting position and with my other hand I will support your head" The other lady was on the other side of me and said I could grab her arm as well to pull up.  They both helped me up. I felt a bit dizzy and I grabbed my chin to hold my head up.  He saw me do this and went straight for my neckbrace. He helped me put it on and said "not to bad huh?" I said that was fast.  He walked me out to the desk right outside and the other tech was there to schedule times for the remaining 9 sessions.  830am was too early so 12 noon it was.  I walked out to the waiting room and I said "I'm all done."  I changed back into my clothes and I told her my appointments were going to be at 12pm for the rest.  Mom would bring me Monday thru Wednesday and she would bring me Thursday and Friday (her days off).  I told her my concern with my heart and she reminded me about my MUGA scan which is a scan of the heart and mine looked fine.  Sissy said I have a strong heart and that I shouldn't worry.
           Tonight is Tuesday night Wednesday morning. Technically it's the 11th. I've had 4 sessions so far.  So far I don't "feel" any difference in my speech or swallowing.  I definitely feel very very stiff in my upper back after each session that last all day and night. I feel very tired after each session usually by 2pm I'm out and I don't wake up till 6pm when my alarm goes off for medication otherwise I'd probably sleep longer and I just feel lethargic.  I'm sure that's one of the reasons why I have trouble sleeping at night, the other is that I can't get comfortable.  I sleep in a recliner with a neckbrace that I can't take off and I also have trouble sleeping when I'm hot and my dad can't stand the cold. So my son brought me my box fan from home and I turn on the ceiling fan after my dad goes to bed.
           So looks like you're all caught up in my progress/journey.  I hope you all have a beautiful day. If you're reading this then God has blessed you with another day!

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