Thinking out loud only not out loud
There are times in my day that I allow myself to "let it out" so to speak. Someone says something that makes me sad or asks me about my son. Sometimes my sadness just rises to the surface and I have to let out a few tears. I pretty much can control my emotions, for the most part. I put on a brave face and push through it. I say positive and encouraging things to myself. I pray to myself. I'm my own cheerleader.
Well, as you all know, my throat has been hurting me like you wouldn't believe. It feels like my tonsils are swollen along with my throat. They feel irritated and inflamed. It hurts me to even swallow my pain medication. Sometimes the pill gets stuck in my throat and I have to keep sipping liquid to get it down or at least disolve it where it's at. It's worse in the mornings. I did get numbing liquid medication to gargle with but for some reason it feels like it numbs the area a little but when I actually swallow something it still hurts.
My mom always offers me coffee, hot tea or broth cause she knows that helps a little. I love her so much and she does so much for me. It's like I'm a kid again. She feels helpless and that makes me sad. I will repay her one day along with my sissy. They both go above and beyond without thinking. I can't wait for my throat and back to be healed. I know my back will take a longer time and Im ok with that, I just wish my throat would hurry up and heal already.
Just the other day after one of my appts my sissy insist we stop for a bite to eat. She had a coupon BOGO. By one entree get the other free. I wanted to go but I didn't want to go. First of all cause we're on a tight budget but I knew the coupon would come in handy and we'd split it down the middle. Secondly, I wasn't sure what kind of soups they had and thirdly, I didn't know if I would enjoy my lunch even though I had my pain and liquid medication. However, I knew whatever I didn't eat would go to my son for dinner. I opened the menu and searched for something that "looked" soft enough for me to eat before looking over the soup options and I decided on the salmon with pasta noodles with a butter lemon sauce. The angel hair pasta was tossed with petite juicy diced roma tomatoes & what I'm assuming to be extra virgin olive oil and a small portion of steamed spinach on the side. I figured the salmon would be soft enough as should the pasta. Sipping on my tea my throat didn't hurt as bad. Then came the bread. I love bread (lol). I took a piece from the center and dipped it in the oil that was on a small plate on the table. I made sure to take a small bite and chew thoroughly. I swallowed in disappointment. It was delicious don't get me wrong I was just hoping, since it was bread that it would go down a bit smoother than it did. We got our plates and I was so happy cause it looked and smelled delish. I flaked off a small piece of fish and chewed thoroughly and swallowed. It tasted perfect but it didn't go down so well. I took a swirl in the pasta with my fork making sure it was a small portion (I can get carried away sometimes) and that went down a little better but still had some pain going down. I picked up some steamed spinach and that actually went down the best and it was perfectly prepared ( listen to me, I think I'm a food critic! Lol). It was a small portion and It left me wanting more. I picked out a piece of tomato from the pasta and that went down ok too so I picked out every piece and ate it one by one. I was left with the salmon and the pasta. Left overs for my son Yay, with bread and oil. I was put out $11 dollars but that took care of my one meal for the day and my son's dinner. Not bad. Thank goodness for coupons! Lol
Funny how you think of things you want once you can't have them. Like Schlotskies original combination sandwich & pizza, Jersey Mikes #9, Rays pizza, Mediterranean salad, Longhorn Steakhouse parmigiano encrusted mushroom & chicken with their summer salad or a steak, medium, and last but not least Blancos Original cafe carne guisada with cheese and country sausage with cheese tacos. Can you tell I'm hungry? I can go for some chicken mole enchiladas right about now. Yeah right! Lol
Anyhow, this is just me rambling off the thoughts in my head as my stomach growls. I made myself hungry and my tummy is angry at me now.
I never knew that it could be physically possible to be sooooo sad to NOT allow yourself to cry. The moments before you cry your throat reacts first. I know this because I've been living with throat pain for the past week and every single time I'm about to cry my throat begins to swell up causing even more pain to my throat. You literally get "a lump in your throat." I can not stand any more pain, so as soon as I begin to get that feeling of wanting to cry I immediately stop. I turn off that emotion. I can't cry at this point in my life. I can't and I won't. It hurts to much to cry.
#TeamSweetJean Fundraiser
Well, as you all know, my throat has been hurting me like you wouldn't believe. It feels like my tonsils are swollen along with my throat. They feel irritated and inflamed. It hurts me to even swallow my pain medication. Sometimes the pill gets stuck in my throat and I have to keep sipping liquid to get it down or at least disolve it where it's at. It's worse in the mornings. I did get numbing liquid medication to gargle with but for some reason it feels like it numbs the area a little but when I actually swallow something it still hurts.
My mom always offers me coffee, hot tea or broth cause she knows that helps a little. I love her so much and she does so much for me. It's like I'm a kid again. She feels helpless and that makes me sad. I will repay her one day along with my sissy. They both go above and beyond without thinking. I can't wait for my throat and back to be healed. I know my back will take a longer time and Im ok with that, I just wish my throat would hurry up and heal already.
Just the other day after one of my appts my sissy insist we stop for a bite to eat. She had a coupon BOGO. By one entree get the other free. I wanted to go but I didn't want to go. First of all cause we're on a tight budget but I knew the coupon would come in handy and we'd split it down the middle. Secondly, I wasn't sure what kind of soups they had and thirdly, I didn't know if I would enjoy my lunch even though I had my pain and liquid medication. However, I knew whatever I didn't eat would go to my son for dinner. I opened the menu and searched for something that "looked" soft enough for me to eat before looking over the soup options and I decided on the salmon with pasta noodles with a butter lemon sauce. The angel hair pasta was tossed with petite juicy diced roma tomatoes & what I'm assuming to be extra virgin olive oil and a small portion of steamed spinach on the side. I figured the salmon would be soft enough as should the pasta. Sipping on my tea my throat didn't hurt as bad. Then came the bread. I love bread (lol). I took a piece from the center and dipped it in the oil that was on a small plate on the table. I made sure to take a small bite and chew thoroughly. I swallowed in disappointment. It was delicious don't get me wrong I was just hoping, since it was bread that it would go down a bit smoother than it did. We got our plates and I was so happy cause it looked and smelled delish. I flaked off a small piece of fish and chewed thoroughly and swallowed. It tasted perfect but it didn't go down so well. I took a swirl in the pasta with my fork making sure it was a small portion (I can get carried away sometimes) and that went down a little better but still had some pain going down. I picked up some steamed spinach and that actually went down the best and it was perfectly prepared ( listen to me, I think I'm a food critic! Lol). It was a small portion and It left me wanting more. I picked out a piece of tomato from the pasta and that went down ok too so I picked out every piece and ate it one by one. I was left with the salmon and the pasta. Left overs for my son Yay, with bread and oil. I was put out $11 dollars but that took care of my one meal for the day and my son's dinner. Not bad. Thank goodness for coupons! Lol
Funny how you think of things you want once you can't have them. Like Schlotskies original combination sandwich & pizza, Jersey Mikes #9, Rays pizza, Mediterranean salad, Longhorn Steakhouse parmigiano encrusted mushroom & chicken with their summer salad or a steak, medium, and last but not least Blancos Original cafe carne guisada with cheese and country sausage with cheese tacos. Can you tell I'm hungry? I can go for some chicken mole enchiladas right about now. Yeah right! Lol
Anyhow, this is just me rambling off the thoughts in my head as my stomach growls. I made myself hungry and my tummy is angry at me now.
I never knew that it could be physically possible to be sooooo sad to NOT allow yourself to cry. The moments before you cry your throat reacts first. I know this because I've been living with throat pain for the past week and every single time I'm about to cry my throat begins to swell up causing even more pain to my throat. You literally get "a lump in your throat." I can not stand any more pain, so as soon as I begin to get that feeling of wanting to cry I immediately stop. I turn off that emotion. I can't cry at this point in my life. I can't and I won't. It hurts to much to cry.
#TeamSweetJean Fundraiser
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